There will always be an inherent niche and audience for films that can provide the charm and experience of filmmaking for younger audiences, making for a fun and sweet time for all ages who don’t have to worry about complex themes or mature topics. Even with these possible limitations, this hasn’t stopped many family films from being highly celebrated and beloved in their own right, with each generation having its own selection of masterfully crafted family films.
However, the notions of younger, less-developed audiences that don’t have the acquired tastes and depth of what to enjoy in a film have resulted in many cheap, low-effort movies made to appeal to children with no substance to hold them up beyond that. Some family films manage to go beyond that and create sucha vapid, painfully uninteresting experience that even the youngest of children aren’t able to find entertainment and joy in the film. For as long as there have been well-made family movies, there are also a good portion that are entirely unwatchable.
Directed by Walt Becker
Originally high-pitched musical icons of the 60s and 70s,Alvin and the Chipmunksfound themselves at the center of a notorious reboot as CGI pop stars throughout the late 2000s and early 2010s. While each of these films was critically maligned, the undeniable low point of the franchise was the final entry,Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip. The film sees the chipmunks as a part of a classic road trip plot, traveling across the country to stop Dave from proposing to his new girlfriend.
The film not only perpetuates the same lazy toilet humor and cheap pop culture references of the previous film, butfinds a way to lack the minimal positive elements that previous entries had.David Cross’s sadistic talent agent villain of Ian was an unexpected highlight of the previous films is nowhere to be seen, while the new human characters soak up too much screen time and exude no charisma whatsoever. The film also features some of the worst and most blatant product placement imaginable, and even a strange cameo from directorJohn Watersisn’t enough to save the film.
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip
9’Mac and Me' (1988)
Directed by Stewart Raffill
WhileE.T.: The Extra-Terrestrialhas maintained its status as one of the most acclaimed and influential family movies of all time, this strange,poorly made ripoff filmhas equally achieved a legacy of infamy for decades. While many may recognize the film from the iconic recurring gag betweenConan O’BrienandPaul Rudd,Mac and Memanages to be even more wild, strange, and nonsensical than the repeated clip of a boy in a wheelchair falling into a river.
While its initial premise directly copies that ofE.T.,it quickly takes a strange detour into the incomprehensiblebetween its unexpected violence, uncomfortable visual effects, and never-ending product placement. It takes an especially demented family film to have the gall to have a child get shot in a police shootout during the film’s climax, but this is exactly the type of horrendous, unrestrained insanity that is ever-present withinMac and Me.
Mac and Me
8’Harold and the Purple Crayon' (2024)
Directed by Carlos Saldanha
Poorly conceived adaptations of classic children’s stories and characters are far from a novelty that only affected films of the past, asHarold and the Purple Crayonshows that this phenomenon is still alive and well in the modern day. While there is already some confusion behind adapting a 50s children’s book as a live-action film,the film manages to even go against the few iconic aspects of the story. Instead of a story following a curious young boy exploring his imagination with a magical crayon, the film sees Harold as a fully grown man using the crayon to travel into the real world in search of the man who created him.
Whatever lighthearted charm and wit were present within the original story is fundamentally destroyed in this uninteresting live-action adaptation, replacing it with bad visual effects and an especially bad lead performance byZachary Levi. The film’s pacing and strange attempts at tackling an existential breakdown are completely misaligned when in the confines of what is supposed to be a goofy family film, making the film a complete tonal mess.
7’Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul' (2017)
Directed by David Bowers
While far from the greatest family movies out there, the original live-actionDiary of a Wimpy Kidtrilogy has a distinct charm and wit that has made it a fan favorite of many children of the early 2010s. However, said charm is completely missing from this recast final live-action entry of the franchise,Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul, leaving behind nothing but a hollow and draining family comedy with no laughs to be found. The film managed to be so poorly received that the franchise would stop making live-action movies altogether, turning to shorter animated adaptations in the future.
Recastings happen all the time in these types of family movies that are reliant on the younger age of their child actors, yet it cannot be understated how much of the original trilogy was elevated by the comedic performances of its cast. The absurd and entertaining antics of the likes ofDevon BostickandSteve Zahnweremassive highlights of the series, andby comparison, this new cast has the appeal and charm of a cardboard box. It certainly didn’t help matters that the humor and writing also took a major downgrade, focusing more on product placement and toilet humor than in previous entries.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul
6’Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2' (2004)
Directed by Bob Clark
While it’s important to give the benefit of the doubt that any film, no matter how moronic and poorly conceived the may seem, can feature positive elements that make them worth watching. However, films likeSuperbabies: Baby Geniuses 2prove that some films are destined to be cinematic travesties, as it’s hard to think of a way that the film could be anything but a terrible viewing experience. The concept of a group of secretly genius babies forming a superhero team to defeat an evil media mogul played byJon Voightwas simply never going to result in a well-made movie.
The film manages to find a way to disappoint in the already low expectations placed upon it,being largely dull and repetitive in its execution to the point of not even being fun to hate-watch. Its very existence as a sequel to an already widely hated family movie is shocking in itself, and even more shocking is that this film manages to be even worse and more unwatchable than the originalBaby Geniuses. The only people who could truly appreciate the film are babies themselves, as anyone who has achieved sentience would quickly find themselves bored and annoyed.
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
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5’Pinocchio' (2022)
Directed by Robert Zemeckis
The originalPinocchiois an icon of Disney’s early years, still holding up tremendously with beautiful 2D animation and a timeless sense of grace. However, as is the case with many of Disney’s most acclaimed titles,Pinocchiofound itself receiving a live-action remake, resulting ina truly awful remakethat disgraces the original masterpiece. Despite releasing 80 years after the original film, the film feels as if it’s regressing and limiting aspects of its own storytelling so as not to offend, choices that actively make the film a worse viewing experience.
While these changes are painful enough as is, it isn’t nearly as bad as the new additions to the film, ranging from a non-stop barrage of Easter eggs and references to other Disney movies to toilet humor gags that don’t even get a chuckle. Nearly every aspect of the film feels as if everyone is phoning it in, from lackluster visual effects to what could easily beTom Hanks' worst performance and some soulless directing from legendary directorRobert Zemeckis.
4’Show Dogs' (2018)
Directed by Raja Gosnell
The long-lasting appeal and strength of cute animals is a tried-and-true tool that has been used to launch various family films over the years, but rarely has the cuteness of animals been used for such a poorly made film as seen withShow Dogs. While initially seeming to be little more than yet another formulaic talking animal comedy film,Show Dogs’s complete ineptitude and heinous values hideone of the most disgusting and poorly conceived scenes in any family movie.
Theincredibly controversial sceneitself proved to be so terrible that it was retroactively removed from the film while it was in theaters and, even now, was not included in the digital release of the film. Even with the depraved and poorly conceived content being removed from the film, it looms as a disturbing shadow over the entire film and its overall lack of care or self-awareness. Although it isn’t as though anything of quality was lost with this souring of the entire film, as the rest of the film has the same generic talking animal movie clichés and an overabundance of dated memes and references.
3’Foodfight!' (2012)
Directed by Lawrence Kasanoff
Often in the conversation of being one of theworst animated moviesof all time,Foodfightacts less like a classic family venture and instead an elongated commercial with its amount of constant product placement. The barrage of various food mascots like the Sunkist tuna, Mrs. Buttersworth, and Mr. Clean is enough to make the film a largely unsavory experience, yet this is further compounded by its ugly visual style and incredibly dated 3D models.
Foodfight!
2’Son of the Mask' (2005)
Directed by Lawrence Guterman
WhileThe Maskis still one of the most beloved family comedies of the 90s and a standout comedic outing fromJim Carrey, this ill-suited sequel ends up taking a flamethrower to everything that the original film got right.Son of the Maskreplaced Carrey withJamie Kennedy, seeing him stumble upon the fabled mask of Loki and conceiving an infant son while under the influence of the mask’s power. The baby proves to have the same chaotic and unpredictable properties of the mask itself, making his parents' life a living hell.
While still connected to the 90s classic by name and concept, the new team of writers and directors completely misunderstand the appeal of the original film and what made it work so well. It ends up doubling down on the worst, raunchy elements of the original film as well as featuring some of the mostunintentionally terrifying and disturbing CGIto ever be put into film.The film consistently finds ways to one-up itself in terms of raw uncomfortability and disturbing nature, creating a visceral experience that feels like an elongated concussion.
Son of the Mask
1’Ratatoing' (2007)
Directed by Michelle Gabriel
Ripoff films are a constant in the filmmaking world, especially with family movies and children who won’t as easily point out the difference between a major blockbuster title and the obvious ripoff film. Many different ripoff films have become infamous over the years, yet few are as equally egregious as a ripoff and completely lacking in discernable qualities asRatatoing, an obvious ripoff of Pixar’sRatatouille.The nonexistent budget and blatant copying of one of Pixar’s best films has madeRatatoinga target of hatred ever since its release.
It’s hard to think of any positive aspects thatRatatoinghas going for it, as it dumbs down and minimizes Ratatouille’s mastery and ends up making a soulless, uninteresting cash grab that should have never existed in the first place. The morally bankrupt film even manages to find a way to be boring and monotonous in its pacing, even with its extremely short 44-minute runtime, often repeating scenes of animation to pad out the runtime.
