2001 once seemed like a far-off and borderline otherworldly year, much like the year that immediately preceded it: 2000. Fittingly, it was (obviously) a pivotal year for both novel and film versions of2001: A Space Odyssey, both of which anticipated the wondrous technology that would propel humanity deep into space, as far as Jupiter and even beyond. Humans, in the story, were capable of anything in this year, and the possibilities of what could be found outside Earth inspired awe.
Yet when the actual 2001 rolled around, things were different.Stanley Kubrick, the director of2001: A Space Odyssey, passed away in 1999, and so wasn’t around to experience the disappointment of the real year, which brought with it not much by way of space travel, and instead “gifted” humanity with the release of many less-than-great movies. Some of the furthest from great released during the year in question are ranked below, from bad to worst.
10’Captain Corelli’s Mandolin'
The best thing aboutCaptain Corelli’s Mandolinis that it gave the2022 crime/comedy/action movieThe Unbearable Weight of Massive Talentits most deep-cut reference. That film was all aboutNicolas Cageplaying a fictionalized version of himself, in turn simultaneously celebrating and highlighting the absurdities of Cage’s film career, including his role in this bizarre, misguided, and oftentimes boring war/romance movie.
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It boils down to being something of a generic love triangle movie set during World War II, filled with bad accents and a surprisingly great cast who’ve all been in so much better - beyond Cage, the cast also includesPenélope Cruz,John Hurt, andChristian Bale. There are a few unintentionally amusing moments, the title is funny, and it’s amusing that it got referenced at all in a movie made 20+ years later, but it’s otherwise very forgettable stuff.
9’Sweet November'
Speaking of good actors being wasted,Sweet Novemberstars bothKeanu Reeves(just two years afterThe Matrix) andCharlize Theron(just two years before she’d win an Oscar forMonster). It’s a romantic drama that couldn’t be considered anywhere near the top of either actor’s body of work, and despite both Reeves and Theron remaining prominent actors in the years that followed, this film’s been largely forgotten.
For those unaware of the plot (so basically everyone), it’s about a workaholic man meeting a woman and the two falling for each other, ultimately agreeing to have a short-term relationship that has inevitable long-term effects. It all feels off and very much not romantic, ultimately getting savaged by critics, too, asevidenced by its 27/100 Metacritic score.
8’Corky Romano'
Chris Kattanis an actor and comedian best known for being part ofSaturday Night Live’smain cast between 1996 and 2003, and around that time, he also starred in a few theatrically released comedies. The least memorable and arguable worst of these wasCorky Romano, which is a crime/comedy film largely devoid of genuine laughs.
It centers on the son of a mafia boss being asked to infiltrate the FBI, in the process destroying key evidence that could be used to send said boss to jail. Goofy slapstick ensues, and though the lowbrow and blunt humor might work for some, others will undeniably be frustrated that that’s really all the film has to offer. Insert obvious joke about it being an offer you can refuse here.
7’Christmas Carol: The Movie'
It’s amazing how bothWhen the Wind BlowsandChristmas Carol: The Movieexist as titles withinJimmy T. Murakami’sfilmography. He was a director best known for his animated films, with the former being one of his best; a devastating look at theimpact of a catastrophic nuclear waron a naive old couple not well-equipped to survive the difficulties of living life after society is decimated.
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The latter, however, is perhaps his worst, being a sluggish and even perplexing adaptation ofCharles Dickens’sA Christmas Carol. Some would say the world already has too many adaptations of this beloved holiday-themed story, meaning underwhelming ones like this 2001 movie don’t really deserve your attention.
6’Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles'
There exist threeCrocodile Dundeemovies. This might be news to a good many people, considering oneCrocodile Dundeemovie is probably enough… though to be fair to that original 1986 movie, while it is a product of its time, it does have a certain charming quality to it and holds up as an expectedly laid-back Australian comedy film, and was asurprising success at the international box office.
The first two movies in the series had the titular character (Paul Hogan) adapting to life in New York City after living in the Australian Outback, with this third movie, released in 2001, “mixing it up” by taking place in where else: Los Angeles. It maintains the lackluster quality found in the first sequel, which came out in 1988, and made far less money than either of the first two movies, effectively ending the series.
5’Jason X'
If youtold a computer to spit out a scriptfor aFriday the 13thmovie where Jason Voorhees terrorized people in space rather than in some nondescript forest, you’d probably get something likeJason X. The mere idea to combine a slasher movie with a sci-fi movie is about where the creativity starts and stops, and everything else is a mess.
It’s like a far less scaryAlien, and it doesn’t even commit to the camp enough to be fun in a mindless sort of way. The onlyFriday the 13th-related movies that have been released since this are 2003’sFreddy vs. Jason, and 2009’s kind of reboot movie, meaning thatJason Xcould be seen as something that derailed and/or killed the original run ofFriday the 13thmovies.
4’Cruel Intentions 2'
A direct-to-video follow-up toCruel Intentionsthat was originally conceived as the pilot for a prequel TV series,Cruel Intentions 2is pretty bad, and hard to recommend to even big fans of the original. It details how two characters from the first film, Sebastian Valmont and Kathryn Merteuil, met and began having cruel intentions toward others or whatever.
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It might not be the most fun of fun facts, but Kathryn Merteuil was played bySarah Michelle Gellarin the first film, and a still mostly unknownAmy Adamsin the second film. Both were inBuffy the Vampire Slayer… admittedly, Gellar was the title character, and Adams only showed up in one episode, but it’s hard to say much else interesting or informative about a cash-grab sequel like this.
3’Glitter'
Few 2001 releases are quite as infamous asGlitter, which largely ignored by some, and scorned by others (especially critics). It’s a music-centered drama about a young and up-and-coming singer meeting a DJ, with the two having a passionate yet rocky relationship as both strive to stay relevant in their respective professions.
It’s a movie that sawMariah Careyattempting to branch out into the world of film, at that stage already renowned and beloved for her work as a singer/songwriter. Thankfully for Carey, the movie’s bad reputation and box office failure didn’t kill her music career, as four years later, she releasedone of the decade’s best-selling albums, in the process showing that perhapsA Star Was (Re)Born.
2’The Animal'
Though he sadlynever played an actual carrot,Rob Schneiderdid play many eccentric (and annoying) characters at the height of his popularity, predominantly throughout the late 1990s and early 2000s. There were a string of these that somehow kept getting made,including 1999’sDeuce Bigalow: Male Gigoloand 2001’sThe Animal.
The latter sees him playing a man who’s miraculously saved after a car accident, only his post-operation life has him needing to fight various primal urges, given he’s been made half-animal, half-man. It all results in plenty of dumb, obvious gags that aren’t much fun to watch play out, ensuring its brief 84-minute runtime actually feels significantly longer.
1’Ghosts of Mars'
It’s not fun to criticize aJohn Carpentermovie, because the filmmaker is responsible for making some undeniableclassics within the horror, sci-fi, and action genres. His 2001 film,Ghosts of Mars, even blends all three of those genres, being set on Mars and featuring human characters battling supernatural foes, all the while, it also manages tofeel a bit like a Western at times.
It sounds like it should be fun in a ridiculous way, but it’s more just oddly dull and lifeless, all the more baffling because its director is capable of greatness, and the cast here is eclectic and talented (said cast includesIce Cube, a jarringly not baldJason Statham, andPam Grier). But there’s little fun to be had here, and its sluggish execution and overall disappointing nature make it a lowlight of 2001.
