When news broke of actressNaya Rivera’s tragic drowning in July 2020, I was instantly brought back to my eighth-grade self. The year was 2011, and everyone young and old was obsessed withAdele’s21album. I faked illness a lot that year to stay home from school, a place where I was bullied and had no real friends. In the immortal words ofKate McKinnon, I had just started having thoughts that said, “Am I… gay?”I listened to songs like “Turning Tables” and “Someone Like You” on repeat not because I had any idea what it was like to be lovelorn, but because the melancholy seemed on brand for whatever I was going through at that point.
Santana Lopez, my favorite character onGlee, happened to be going through a similar struggle with her sexuality, in love with her best friend Brittany (Heather Morris) and having no idea how to navigate those feelings. Then, after being viciously outed by Finn (Cory Monteith), Santana gets on stage and belts outthe chorus of “Someone Like You” in an Adele medley. Her delivery of the line, “Don’t forget me, I beg,” sent shivers down the spines of everyone who tuned in live that week. Or maybe that was just me. It really cannot be said enough: despite whatever wonky things might’ve been going on withGleeat any given moment, Rivera always gave an 11 out of 10.
When Rivera passed, social media was flooded with tributes not just from family members and co-stars but from millions of fans worldwide who collectively agreed that Santana Lopez was a beacon of light during hard times. In the years sinceGlee’s conclusion, the series has been mocked, ridiculed, andhad a lot of garbage tossed at it. And,for the most part, that was justified: by the time the series had reached its sixth and final season, it had become over-the-top, farcical nonsense that had become practically unwatchable at times. It was a shame, too, because I can fondly remember a time when, during its first few seasons,Gleewas one of the best and most beloved series on television, and rightfully so.
Even thoughRyan Murphy’s brainchild was always in a bizarre league of its own artistically, blurring the lines between musical, dramedy, and teen drama like never before, its representation and portrayal of LGBTQ+ youth was important and nothing short of revolutionary. While the series’ legacy might now be blurred by the creative mess it became in its later seasons, there are some elements ofGleethat still deserve our respect, Naya Rivera as Santana Lopez being one of them.
I had just started high school whenGleewas reaching its peak creatively, and it was something that everyone who loved musicals and pop music was watching and talking about. The series first came to prominence on the LGBTQ+ front with Kurt Hummel (Chris Colfer), a character with a distinctly feminine voice who was questioning his sexuality. But alas, Kurt lived in what queer scholars might call a glass closet: one where everyone else can tell and knows that the person is gay, so when they finally come out, it’s of no real surprise to anyone.
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Not to say that Kurt’s storylines of coming out, being bullied, and ultimately finding love with Blaine Anderson (Darren Criss) weren’t necessary and important, but his story is not the one I felt a connection to. Cut back to me, who was being bullied at the same time as Kurt and being called gay before I could figure it out for myself. As much as I never really saw myself in Kurt, he was all I had. So I took all of his experiences at face value for what the real world was like, thinking that this was the only path that a gay person could ever follow. Needless to say, there was a lot of suffering in Kurt’s story, and I couldn’t perceive of a world or a story where a queer person wouldn’t have to suffer. Enter Santana.
Santana Lopez wasn’t as much of a scene stealer inGlee’s first season, but rather a mean-girl cheerleader who sometimes had to be downright cruel with her signature insults, in an attempt to humanize and have us sympathize with Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron)—who was never all that compelling to begin with. (Rivera’s portrayal of the character was so mean, in fact, that after filming thislegendary scenefrom Season 6, rumor has it the actress made Chris Colfer cry and had to profusely apologize afterward.)
By Season 2, Santana slowly began to prove her worth as someone to pay attention to, especially when she realizes that she’s in love with Brittany. “What I’ve realized is why I’m such a bitch all the time,” she tells her. “I’m a bitch because I’m angry. I’m angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I’m afraid of dealing with because I’m afraid of dealing with the consequences. I’m afraid of the talks, and the looks… I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school.” And just like that, Santana was on track to become one of television’s first, and certainly most visible, Latina lesbians.
Santana’s coming out storyline meant so much to me at the time, who failed to see himself in Kurt Hummel’s shoes and was depressed at the thought that this was the only available route for queer people in this world. Not to say Santana’s story didn’t also include suffering—oh my, because it did, especially when she tells her conservative grandmother that she loves girls the way she’s supposed to feel about boys, and Grandma infamously disowns her—but Rivera infused the character with an energy that was so distinctively queer, it’s no wonder she became an icon to the queer community.
She was sassy, and she was a bitch, often to the point of downright cruelty, because she was so angry at the world. Even the most complacent, closet-dwelling gay people can understand that. Santana had such a complex struggle with sexuality, one that had probably never been explored this deeply on mainstream television. Her character arc was less about her being obviously queer and more about overcoming her own self-hatred and internalized homophobia—elements that Kurt’s storylines distinctly lacked. Rivera portrayed Santana with such angst and emotion that you couldn’t help but fall in love with both of them, actress and character. Her suffering was different because we knew that Santana was strong enough to fight through it. You rooted for her because you knew, somehow, she was going to come out standing strong on the other side. And maybe we would, too.
Santana’s “Someone Like You” medley was empowering, but her best performance would ultimately be Season 4’s “Girl on Fire” cover, which she sings as she says goodbye to the weight of her high school years, moving to New York City for a fresh start. I still listen to Rivera’s version of the song regularly, hoping to embody and emulate the same bravery and courage. “I don’t trust people who claim to like everyone, because, really, how is that possible? If that is true, then you must not have any standards,” Rivera wrote in her 2017 memoir. “If you care about your life, then there are going to be certain people you don’t want in it.” One thing is for sure: Naya Rivera and Santana Lopez are two people I will forever cherish for being in my life, even if for just a short while.
