He may only be in the movie for a few minutes, butChristopher Walken’s role inPulp Fictionis one of his most memorable. Playing Captain Koons in theQuentin Tarantinofilm, Walken’s character is the one who gives a young Butch Coolidge (Bruce Willis) the precious watch that belonged to Butch’s late father during the Vietnam War. It’s a powerful moment in the film, which is impressive given how ridiculous it is. As fans of the film already know, Koons was able to keep the watch concealed by putting it up his sphincter, and he tells the young boy all about it as he describes the watch’s importance. It’s abrilliantly-written monologueexecuted by one of the finest actors of our time, as well as being one of the beloved Christopher Walken’s kookiest moments—but I’m here to tell you that it’s notthekookiest.
So there I was scrolling through Tubi one day, and, being theChristopher Walkenenthusiast I am, was shocked to see a title starring him that I hadn’t heard of before. A little-known low-budget title,All-American Murder, that had Walken’s face right there on the poster was enough to get me intrigued, but not even that prepared me for the wildly entertaining ride that I was about to embark on. Just like the villain Christopher Walken played in that terrible live NBCPeter Panmusical, was hooked from the get go. Still, about 20 minutes in,I found myself questioning the distinct lack of Christopher Walken. It turns out I just needed to be a little more patient, because when Walken quite literally struts onto the screen, the absolutely unhinged lines of dialogue he speaks are a thing of beauty.
All-American Murder
An antisocial college student gets transferred to a new college, where he meets the popular girl in school. When she’s suddenly killed, he becomes the prime suspect. While he tries to clear his name, more victims fall to the brutal killer.
What Is ‘All-American Murder’ About?
1991’sAll-American Murderis a murder-mystery thriller that went straight to video, and that in and of itself is a crime worth investigating.Not enough people know about this hidden gem of ahorror B-movie, and the video release is quite possibly to blame for that. The film primarily follows Artie Logan (Charlie Schlatter), a college-age delinquent who keeps getting kicked out of school. Thankfully, his father, an influential judge, has enough sway to get him enrolled in one more school, but this is his last chance.
There, Artie meets and falls for a kindhearted and approachable Tally Fuller (Josie Bissett), and the two have instant chemistry with each other. However, that chemistry turns flammable when Tally is shockingly murdered, and Artie is framed for the crime. That all probably sounds like a pretty straightforward plot, yet the film also features totally normal things like snakes getting set ablaze by flamethrowers, dinosaurs made out of prison food, and a weirdly, bizarrely,Poor Things-level graphic threesome scene. And those are all things that don’t even involve Christopher Walken.
Christopher Walken Plays the World’s Most Confident Detective in ‘All-American Murder’
Walken makes his debut inAll-American Murderright after Tally’s murder, and what a debut it is.Walken plays the oh-so-suave P.J. Decker, a detective who gets called to a gas station where a man named Marco (Doran Ingrham) is holding a woman hostage. Decker is on the case, and as he struts through the crowd, he delivers some of the best first lines to a character maybe ever.
“What is this a parade? Move these people. BACK. What are you doing? Go on, go home. Watch television. The good guys win.”
Read that in your best Christopher Walken accent, and it still doesn’t compare to the real thing. Decker has also brought along Marco’s wife, Louann (Dawn Kritikos), to the scene. After telling the reporters to verify they got all the blood on camera and asking a 10-year-old kid who snuck through the crowds, “You a cop? Scram,” Decker gets on the bullhorn and starts talking to Marco.Rather than trying to get Marco to calm down, P.J. wants to rile him upby saying that he’s been sleeping with Louann and that she’s unsatisfied with Marco’s impotence.
It honestly wouldn’t even be surprising if Walkenad-libbed some of these lines, but even if he didn’t, his delivery of them is what makes this scene. Some of these insults are just so…well, let me just list a few of my favorite lines that P.J. uses to taunt Marco: “I never forget a face. Especially if I’ve sat on it. What mouth action. I thought jaws only moved that fast in the water. In the time it takes you to get a hard on, she could simonize the car and learn Hebrew.”
Then, as soon as P.J. starts singing the Perry Como song, “Feelings”, Marco comes rushing out without even caring about his hostage anymore. Cool as a cucumber, P.J. pulls out his service weapon and delivers a clean shot to Marco’s leg. His work here may be done, but a fellow detective tells P.J. that there’s been a murder at the nearby college.
Christopher Walken Tells Even More Wild Stories as P.J. Decker in ‘All-American Murder’
From that sequence alone, it’s already clear that Christopher Walken is cooking more than a rat in a Pixar movie with his performance inAll-American Murder. The hostage situation scene is admittedly where the film peaks, but that’s not to say there still aren’t other absurdly awesome moments. Later in the film, while P.J. is playing some basketball with two of his fellow detectives (played byRichard KindandWoody Watson), Decker tells a story about the time that he met a hooker’s sister with a fetish for police officers. He tells this absurd story not once, buttwicein the movie. Later, when he’s questioning Artie, P.J. gives the director’s cut of the speech to the protagonist, and it’s even funnier than before.
IfAll-American Murderwere any cheesier, it’d be set in Wisconsin, but there really are a ton of things to love about this wacky ride. In addition to Walken, all the cast members do a great job, and we’ve already teased how fun the dialogue can be. It’s honestly a shame that this goofy spin on mystery-horror didn’t get more attention. Just like I’d be willing to watch 10 more movies withBenoit Blanc (Daniel Craig)solving cases after seeingKnives Out, I would absolutely watch ten more movies with P.J. Decker after experiencingAll-American Murder.
